Winded

Lesmes Caseres

Her tone is like a Lorelei, yet my love's voice is more than music. It has a feel that I love. I listen to it with my eyes closed and allow it to soothe my face like a cool breeze. It surrounds me. It fills me. It lifts me up.

I wait for her to answer the phone and say, "Hello," my head hung like a limp flag waiting for the wind. When she doesn't answer, I can usually hear her voicemail activate before the phone begins its automated message. "This phone call is from .... " The dreaded voicemail is a Berlin Wall between us. My goal is always to topple this symbol of separation. I hang up without putting the phone down. I try a second time, and a third. Each phone call requires the dialing of 24 numbers: 1 for English, 1 to place a call, a 10-digit pin number followed by a pound sign, 0 for a collect call, and finally the area code and phone number. Three attempts mean I have dialed a total of 72 numbers, but no answer.

A few days pass. I dial the 24 numbers like an accountant with an adding machine. I try again, so fast my fingers are a blur. A third attempt and the wall still stands.

A week passes, and the emptiness from not hearing her voice is heavy. My fingers pause and hesitate on each number. I wonder if my calls are unwelcome. I second guess a second attempt. On the third failed attempt, I sink like a tortoise into his shell. I bang my head on the wall. I wonder if others sense my despair. I gather myself but secretly curse the phone with its cord curved in an evil smirk.

A month passes. She avoids me. What crime have I committed? Am I being punished? With nothing left, I pick up a pen, hoping that my letter can circumvent the stubborn barrier between us. Between paragraphs, I think of her so earnestly that I imagine my thoughts reach her and move her to think of me. I'm a fool, I know, screaming at the wind. 

Rainey's Revenge

Lesmes Caseres

In this baptismal of blood
My sins are cleansed
I sing in this shower
Until the singing ends
It singes my skin
I fall from my bones
I wince from torment
Patrolmen intone
We never walk alone
We never walk alone

Is this punishment just?
Grin for the camera lens!
I sing in this shower
Until the singing ends
I sink with each hymn
A cauldron of moans
A scalding torrent
Patrolmen intone
We never walk alone
We never walk alone

Tears sizzle and mist
I envision revenge
I sing in this shower
Until the singing ends
It's dreary and dim
I rescind all hope
On the fringe of existence
Patrolmen intone
We never walk alone
We never walk alone

Portend of my vengeance
No potential amends
I sing in this shower
Until the singing ends
The second hand sprints
The calendar groans
Minutes imprisoned
Patrolmen intone
We never walk alone
We never walk alone

They lave me in lava
They scourge my limbs
I'll sing in this shower
Till the singing ends
For when helplessness brims
Angels bemoan
This merciless riddance
A patrolman intones
We never walk alone­
alone-
Alone.

"'Rainey's Revenge' was inspired by the murder of Darren Rainey. Mr. Rainey was a mentally ill inmate in the Transitional Care Unit at Dade Correctional Institution in South Florida. He was placed in a locked shower where an officer unleashed a deluge of scalding water. In effect, Mr. Rainey was boiled to death. His skin separated from his bones. An inmate orderly exposed this abuse. The Miami Herald covered the story, but the DCI quickly scurried to cover their tracks--surveillance cameras, malfunctioned, officers were moved. In the poem, I wanted to give Mr. Rainey a voice, with each stanza he sinks deeper into hopelessness until the singing ends. 'We never walk alone' is the correctional officer's creed that is chanted during this ritual sacrifice, until the last stanza when the patrolman is left to face his own demons."

"Lesmes Caseres is serving a 25 year sentence in Florida's Department of Corrections. He is a certified Inmate Teaching Assistant and is responsible for helping hundred of inmates earn their high school diplomas. Through the contributions from family and friends, Lesmes was able to earn an Associate's Degree in Business Management. He writes because he feels each word is a sparkling gem in the crown of his experience."